Planning in Advance:

No One Wants to Talk About Death
Who Cares If I Die?

Planning for death is often an unspoken worry. People have trouble expressing fears and feelings openly. They broach the subject awkwardly, hoping someone will pick up on their cues.

"Don't worry about me. I'm too old. I won't be around much longer."
"I don't want to be a burden to my family and friends."
"I'm not going to die. I'm going to live forever."
"How can I plan for my death?"
"Do I need a will?"
"I want to change my will."
"Who will pay? I don't want to die a pauper."
"I've got my plot all paid for."
"I'd be better off dead."
"I'm such a burden-they'll be glad when I'm gone."
"I'll be called home soon."
"My family will know what to do."

Become aware of these hidden concerns so you can help people over the hurdles to discussion. If you feel self-conscious about discussing funeral plans with the people you care for, think about the confort they may derive from:

• knowing someone cares and is concerned
• easing anxieties just by talking
• finding that making plans isn't so difficult, especially when they're not alone.
  
  

Peace of Mind Comes With Planning

Because . . .

• Sharing plans with loved ones often brings families closer and makes grief easier to overcome.
• Planning ahead is satisfying for people who like to make their own decisions and do things for themselves. It gives them an opportunity to be responsible for themselves - and for others.
• Knowing arrangements are made smooths away some worries about dying or burdening others with unfinished business. Completing an important task - especially if doing so helps someone they love - gives people a significant sense of accomplishment and pride.
• People can explore alternatives and make choices that suit their religious beliefs, personal values, and financial circumstances.
• Planning gives people an important opportunity to help others - through anatomical donations or memorial gifts to a favorite charity. It also spares families all of the pain and dissension that can arise over making arrangements at a time of crisis.
• Planning ahead does not mean paying ahead but it can save money. It also protects loved ones from emotional decisions - and expensive mistakes - when death occurs.
  
  

Be Aware of Choices

Before people can make funeral plans they need to be aware of the choices available. To make informed choices, they need to know all the options, costs, and legal requirements. You can help. We can help, too.

Today, funerals often cost $5,000 or more. For many people, a funeral is one of the largest expenses they will face. Most will make funeral arrangements having little knowledge of their rights or alternatives. Decisions are made at a time when judgment is clouded by grief and bereavement - when people are most vulnerable.

More than fifty years ago, memorial and funeral-planning societies were formed to provide consumers with the information needed for thoughtful planning. In many cities, volunteer members have already done the research and price-shopping needed to arrange a dignified, and economical funeral. Members choosing the simplest of options rarely spend more than $1,000 for such services.

A Pervasive Concern

Every year, thousands of older Americans seek advice about funeral plans. One short article in the back pages of Modern Maturity prompted more than 20,000 letters voicing worries and practical concerns about the indignity and expense of dying . . .

I am almost 76 years of age . . . my husband and I are living on Social Security, and our savings are small. It would take almost all that we have for the funeral. . . (Milwaukee, Wisconsin)

My wife and I went to the undertaker we planned for our funerals, but when we asked about the minimum cost, they said at least $1,500. So we have been looking around for somebody else. (Thompson, Connecticut)

I have seen what my mother-in-law and grandmothers went through wintin hours of losing their husbands . . . They were made to feel that if they didn't provide the very best, they surely didn't love their life mates. (Charlotte, North Carolina)

I want to arrange for my cremation while I can still function. I am 86 - absolutely alone - no relatives of any kind. I do have many nice friends, but I do not want to leave them the burden of disposing of me . . . I only wish I could send my ashes to be scattered over the lakes and mountain peaks of my most beloved native Switzerland. . . I want to go home. (Caroline County, Maryland)

Things to Consider                                                                   

Did You Forget . . .
The Most Important Part of Funeral Planning?
Funerals are for the Living

Media and salespeople urge you to plan your funeral-for "peace of mind." But a piece (or peace) will be missing if you have not included in the planning process those who are likely to survive you.

As parents we try to help our children learn how to handle money; we talk about our political values and probably even sex. But one of the greatest gifts in the lessons of life is to be prepared for the death of a close family member or friend.

How are we doing? Not very well. Barely 25% of the people who arrange for a funeral got their information from family members and friends, according to a 1995 funeral industry survey. More than half got their information from morticians. Unfortunately, the funeral industry has had such widespread and documented abuse that the federal government was forced to pass consumer protection regulations which- among other things -told funeral directors they could no longer lie to the public. Enforcement of these regulations is weak and far from ideal. Even at best, survivors are vulnerable to manipulative sales tactics at a time of grief.

Here are some issues that caring people will want to resolve with those who will be left behind:

What money I have I want to leave for the living. I don't want a lot spent on my funeral. In fact, the least expensive funeral makes a lot of sense to me-once I'm gone, it won't matter. Yet, I know that funerals are for the survivors. What funeral rituals are important to you?

Check with all those who are likely to be at hand when your death occurs. Help them to look at funeral rituals that cost money and those which can be personalized with little or no expense such as a scrapbook of remembrance. Oprah Winfrey did a show questioning high-cost weddings. Interviews with those who attended showed that the expensive, fancy flowers and fancy dresses were not the things people remembered. A fancy casket probably won't be remembered either. And in some families, it will become a "loaded" issue when one family member who would have honored your preference for inexpensive arrangements is expected to share the cost of a more elaborate one or watch your estate diminish, simply because a more dominant family member got swept up in the emotions of the moment.

Remember, for a memorial service without the body present, your family does not need the services of a mortician- having something to do can be very therapeutic for survivors. Your family certainly wants to know what your preferences are, but if you plan everything yourself, you may limit the meaningful involvement of those who need an opportunity to express their caring.

I wouldn't buy a car without taking it for a test-drive. I don't want my funeral to be a test-drive and the real thing all wrapped into one. Let's look at exactly what the choices are.

Morticians often prey on emotions to increase their funeral profit- "I'm sure you want the best for your mother." They also know that few consumers are well-educated on funeral issues and don't shop ahead of time. Our consumer information literature and videos will let you know what your options are and will explain fair funeral practices.

But, the cost of various options may help determine what is chosen. If the Funeral Consumers Alliance near you has not done a price survey, be sure to get the General Price List (GPL) from every mortuary in your area. It could save your estate thousands of dollars.

It is more important to help your family learn how to shop for a funeral than to sign up with a particular mortuary right now. Funeral chains are rapidly expanding their holdings, buying up funeral homes at an unprecedented rate. They often employ high-pressure sales tactics to drive up the cost of funerals, according to dismayed ex-employees. The funeral home you might work with today may not be the best place to do business next month. And make sure your survivors are educated about the tricks of the funeral trade-before you die.

Who will pay for my funeral?

Settle this part before there are any hard feelings. If you have set aside funds to pay for your funeral, do family members know how much there is, where it is being kept, and how to get to it? Be sure to read our brochure Prepaying Your Funeral, Benefits and Dangers.

If I am choosing body donation to a medical school, will you be comfortable with that choice?

One elderly gentleman decided to change his plans when a daughter was unhappy with the idea of body donation. On the other hand, the FCA brochure on Body Donation might answer the daughter's concerns. Cremated remains can usually be returned to the family, making body donation more of a "loan." Does this make it easier for someone to consider? If you make the arrangements ahead of time, will that help with any reluctance? Most medical schools prefer that you do.

I would like to be cremated, but the crematory is not likely to accept my body unless everyone agrees. How do you feel about cremation?

Hard feelings may erupt among surviving siblings, for example, if there is no agreement on the final method of disposition. If you sign a cremation permit ahead of time, would that make it easier for others to honor your wishes? Only a few states will honor the wishes of the deceased over those of the survivors, but you can usually sign a cremation permit ahead of time in any state, to facilitate the final arrangements. (Apart from the emotional issues, there are financial concerns with any choice of disposition. Cremation is often the least expensive, and will significantly reduce cemetery and interment costs.)

I do not want to be embalmed but I understand that, if my death is sudden and unexpected, some of you may need a time to say "good-bye." Would you be satisfied with a private family viewing-without any embalming or restoration-rather than a public display of my body?

In an unexpected death, an autopsy is often required. Yet the hospital may cooperate with a family's request to view a body there. In fact, it may be needed for identification purposes in some instances. If the body has been moved to a mortuary before all family members have arrived, let the undertakers know what your wishes are. The "Private Viewing" option is often left off the funeral home's General Price List, so there may be no additional charge. Many people assume embalming is required. Not so, in most instances. In fact, this is the only country where embalming is so widespread, thanks to heavy promotion by the industry. Most morticians do not choose embalming for themselves, according to Funeral Monitor.

Let me tell you where my will and important papers are.

Our consumer groups have planning forms on which you can list the vital information needed after death-death certificate information, preferred funeral arrangements, assets and other resources. All your immediate survivors-not just one-should have a copy of this. A first-to-call son on vacation out of the country will mean that another will need to be notified. Do you carry a wallet card and do your medical records list those people to call at the time of your death-with at least a second back-up number?

Franklin Roosevelt left detailed instructions for his funeral, but he deposited them in his safe without informing anyone. Only after his funeral did his family realize that he explicitly rejected much of what had been done-the embalming, the use of an expensive casket, and the grave liner or vault. He desired a rapid return of his crippled body to the elements.

What if my family doesn't want to talk about death and funerals?

Insist. Try a little humor while it's still easy to smile. We're all "terminal"- we just don't always know when. Don't take "no" for an answer. Those who have the most difficulty talking about funerals are probably the ones who need your help the most. It will be the most loving thing you can do.

 

Preplan versus Prepay                                                                

Prepaying Your Funeral
Benefits and Dangers

What is Preneed?

"Preneed" is a term coined by the funeral industry to describe the arrangement and payment of a funeral prior to death. Obviously, if you are to have any say in it, you must plan in advance of your death. "Prearrangement" is also used interchangeably with "preneed".

The marketing of preneed plans for funeral services and merchandise is increasingly prevalent. Everyone connected with the funeral industry is promoting preneed purchases. Various companies, including insurance companies, "for-profit cremation societies," and "preneed associations" flood the mail with advertising which touts the benefits of their preneed plans. There are a number of pitfalls, as well as options, about which consumers should be well-informed. Therefore, we say, "Let the buyer beware."

Advantages of Planning
There are several advantages to planning your funeral:

• You may choose the type of funeral service you desire.
• You will save your survivors from making choices during the stress of bereavement.
• You can do comparison shopping at available mortuaries.
• You can make knowledgeable decisions.
• You will be stimulating family discussion, sharing, and decision-making.
  

Financing a Funeral
There are three basic ways to set aside money for funeral arrangements:

• Totten Trusts. This is an individual trust or savings plan earmarked for one's funeral. The consumer controls the account and can withdraw from it at any time. Usually a sum of money equal to today's funeral costs is deposited in a passbook, certificate of deposit (CD), or money market account, payable to a beneficiary of your choice. These funds will be available immediately at the time of death without the delay of probate. Accumulated interest covers costs increased by inflation. Annual interest is subject to income tax.
• Regulated Trusts. All states, except Alabama, Vermont and the District of Columbia, regulate the sale of commercial trust agreements. Regulated trust laws provide for some consumer protection, specifying the portion of your money which must be deposited in a bank or savings and loan. But only about half of states require that 100% of your prepaid funeral money be put in trust. Unless designated as "irrevocable", individual savings and regulated trusts are subject to claim by the state if you receive social benefits.
• Insurance-Funded Plans. Life insurance or an annuity contract may provide for an ever-increasing death benefit to account for inflation. Morticians usually sell such insurance and expect to be named the beneficiary. Other insurance plans advertised as "preneed plans" are not tied to specific funeral goods and services. They are simply life insurance, and you may choose the beneficiary you want to control the use of the funds.
  

Advantages of Prepaying
By paying in advance you may:

Ensure that money is available for your funeral service.*

• Provide peace of mind if you have no others to make final arrangements.
• Set funds apart from other assets if you apply for certain social benefits.

Shop Around
Comparison shopping is important when choosing funeral arrangements. The costs of such items as caskets or "professional services" vary dramatically from mortuary to mortuary. Compare prices from at least three mortuaries. You are entitled by law to be provided with a detailed price list or given prices over the phone. If you are not sure what is included in "professional services", be sure to ask.

Watch out for Pitfalls
Disadvantages of paying in advance:

• Remember that states generally regulate prepaid funeral expenses differently from prepaid cemetery expenses. Regulations on preneed cemetery purchases are usually much looser and offer the consumer far less protection.
• In many states, should you move, you cannot shift your arrangements to a new location or receive a refund unless you leave the state.
• Money paid today may not cover inflated future funeral costs, resulting in possible substitution of less expensive merchandise or additional funding from survivors (just what you tried to avoid).
• Money you pay today for funeral arrangements may be needed for other, emergency purposes.
• If payment is made in installments and you do not complete the payments, your refund may be reduced by a sales charge which could be as high as 30%.
• If your state does not require funeral directors to provide you a 100 percent refund of your money if you decide to cancel your prepaid funeral, you may get back much less back than you paid in.
• The seller of today's funeral services may not be in business at the time of your death. If death occurs prior to the time you complete payments, your agreement may not be honored in full.
• In many states part or all of the interest earned on your account may be withdrawn each year by the seller as part of his administrative fees.
• Your survivors may not be aware you have prepaid your funeral.
  

Significant Considerations
Important factors to consider before you purchase a paid plan:

• Your plan should allow for a full refund with little or no penalty.
• Your money should be safe. A Totten Trust is a regulated trust governed by state laws and if the states are taking proper control, your money is probably safe. Funeral insurance plans are not as tightly governed, so extra caution should be taken.
• Your plan should be transferable if you move.
• Obtain a guaranteed agreement in which the funeral director agrees that the original price, plus interest, will pay for the designated funeral.
• Make sure leftover funds will be paid to your estate. Otherwise, the mortician will probably keep them.
  

We heartily endorse the idea of planning your funeral in advance. Comparison shopping for prices and services is important for any large purchase, and funerals are no exception.

However, be very cautious if you pay for your funeral in advance. Maintain control over your funds to assure they will finance your funeral when the time comes, and to confirm your money is protected. These are considerations of paramount importance. Your local memorial society can assist you in research, but the final decision is yours.

Another excellent resource on preneed is available fromthe American Association of Retired Persons. Send a postcard request for Prepaying Your Funeral?, Vol. 2, No. 2, to: AARP Fulfillment 601 -E- Street NW Washington, DC 20049. Copyright information©

*This depends on how strong your state's trusting requirements are, the type of contract you've paid for, and many other factors.

All Information taken from:

Things to Consider http://www.funerals.org/faq/forget.htm

Preplan versus Prepay http://www.funerals.org/faq/prepay.htm